i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
