I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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