I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
