i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
