Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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