am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
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I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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