he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
