I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
