In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
