Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
