you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
