she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
