I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize