Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
