The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
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not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
foreskin is a definite game changer
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
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Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks