So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.