I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I want her autograph on my taint
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
