why im i the only drunk person in the library?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.