remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
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Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.