Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
