Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He passed out mid-signature
Did I show you my penis last night?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
