First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
