The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
So much rum. So many feels.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
