...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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