Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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