There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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