I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
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