watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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