you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
