all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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