well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
