Moan for me like Helen Keller
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
