Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize