Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I have tasted many bathrooms
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize