let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Randomize
