There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
