M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
