If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
