you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
