If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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