Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
