1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
