Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I think I have vodka in my lungs
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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