I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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