And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
