dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
