i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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