Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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