Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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