just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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