I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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