I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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