I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
