Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
