I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
