ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
