Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
