had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
