NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
