If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
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Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Don't tell me you're on acid again
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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