Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
