I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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