i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
