you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
