I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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