and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
