Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i just google imaged poop.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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