You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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