I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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