Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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