my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
operation harelip BJ is a go
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
