and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
