i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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