Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
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He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
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I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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