I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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