it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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