Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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