3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
