at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
