They should really pass out barf bags in church
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
